HITC Sport looks at five things which Tottenham Hotspur manager Mauricio Pochettino might’ve requested from Santa.
Pair of spectacles to see things like, ahem, pricetags, a little clearer
What does Mauricio Pochettino have in common with the majority of United States citizens? Why they both probably made some horrible decisions in 2016, of course. But while the end of the world might not come about from what Pochettino did, it will feel like it for Tottenham fans if their club underachieves this season.
Of course, we’re talking about the signings of Vincent Janssen and Moussa Sissoko, who cost nearly £50 million between them. Fast forward a few months and one of them appears as if he can only score penalties, whereas the other is not convincing anybody that he is worth the money. Sissoko might be playing better than he did earlier in the season, but if you set the bar horrendously low to begin with then it won’t be hard to beat and give a false sense of progress. He’s still 30 million miles away from looking like a £30 million player.
Eyelid speculums for his £18 million man
If we’re honest, Vincent Janssen makes Roberto Soldado look like Thierry Henry, doesn’t he? Of course, it’s still very early days and only a fool would make a concrete judgement about him, but at the moment it looks as if there’s a long way to go before he becomes the reliable back-up to Harry Kane that Pochettino desperately needs. Still, this is a bloke who scored 30 goals for AZ Alkmaar last season. He is far from a lost cause – Pochettino just needs to get him scoring.
Easier said than done, obviously, but one method may be to strap the Dutchman into a similar contraption seen in Clockwork Orange and make him watch the last 10 editions of Premier League Years on Sky Sports. He’ll see how all the greats managed to score so many goals in English football – Henry, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Alan Shearer, Didier Drogba, Luis Suarez, Teddy Sheringham – and hopefully that will do the trick. Or he’ll spend the rest of his life traumatised, lying in the foetal position drawing pictures with a crayon. Who knows.
Brand spanking new defender
This Christmas you’re bound to see Indiana Jones runing away from giant boulders, and Steve McQueen jump over hedges on a motorbike, but might we also see a Tottenham man orchestrate a great escape of his own? Possibly, and that escapee may be Kevin Wimmer. The Austrian has managed just two Premier League appearances this season and it turns out that he isn’t even Pochettino’s third-choice centre-back any longer.
Why? Who knows, but what we do know is that Wimmer is a good defender – probably too good to spend the next six months sitting on a bench and Pochettino will need a replacement. He won’t expect to see, say, Thiago Silva tied up under his Christmas tree on the morning of the 25th, because that would be a little weird and Tottenham don’t need a world-class replacement due to Toby Alderweireld and Jan Vertonghen, but the Argentine will need another body incase.
English lessons
Okay so he isn’t as fluent as Manuel from Fawlty Towers any longer, and his English has improved quite a bit since he first arrived in the Premier League, but it’s still not tip-top. Clearly he can effectively communicate with his players regardless, but would it say a lot about his future plans if he put serious work into his English?
Long-term contract or not, big clubs will come snooping around the 44-year-old sooner or later but it might reassure Tottenham fans of his commitment if he were to hit the books and improve his language. The Sun reported this month that Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid would consider him in the summer and both clubs would be very tough to reject.
Nobody is asking him to sound like Prince Charles, but stepping up his English could be interpreted as a sign that he intends on sticking around in the Premier League a little longer and, providing Manchester United don’t need a manager, that’s great news for Spurs.
An injury……to Mesut Ozil or Alexis Sanchez
It’s the time of good will, right? Yep, but does that apply to football? Absolutely not – and it’s definitely not applicable to Arsenal and Tottenham. The history of hostility between both of those two goes on longer than one of Arsene Wenger’s coats and, like English football, it does not break for the winter.
Tottenham might enjoy the news of an Ozil or Sanchez layoff because, well, it’s Arsenal, but Pochettino would revel in it for different reasons. At the moment, the Gunners are a threat to Spurs’ chances of qualifying for the Champions League again and their loss is certainly Tottenham’s gain in the race for a top-four finish.
It’s crueler than giving your little boy a Tottenham shirt with N’Koudou on the back, or passing a football to Danny Ings or Yannick Bolasie, but football is a cruel game and Pochettino certainly won’t have cancelled Christmas dinner if Ozil or Sanchez were ruled out for a couple of months.
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