Rangers win despite being pumped and Celtic supporters get paranoid
‘Remember the 90s you werent there if you werent there you cant criticise lenny hh 36 shamrock emojis hh three more shamrock emojis ten trophy emojis hh”
The Celtic Da community today faces a crucial decision. Given the 19-point gap at the top of the Premiership, do you continue to use 10 trophy emojis in tweets defending the man who’s lost three consecutive derbies, or admit defeat and go with nine trophy emojis in tweets defending the man who’s lost three consecutive derbies?
For months, any criticism of Neil Lennon has been met with a refrain of ‘Remember the ’90s’ from fans who lived through the days of Rangers regularly winning derbies despite being outplayed.
They were given a reminder of that feeling at Ibrox on Saturday, but for some reason they didn’t seem too happy about it. What could be more ’90s than Celtic pumping Rangers 0-1 and following it up with a paranoid meltdown?
If anyone was left in any doubt as to what game was coming up, my notifications on Friday night included the terms ‘Gangrene Brigade’ and ‘Onion Bears’.
Rangers fans did what any self-respecting individual would do in freezing temperatures during a pandemic and huddled together under a bridge while dressed as staunch penguins.
The Bobby Madden conspiracies were wheeled out again prior to kick-off, and Celtic fans were given proof of his pro-Rangers bias when he failed to send off their biggest threat.
And aside from that Shane Duffy incident there was also some drama involving Alfredo Morelos.
The Colombian served up the classic Morelos derby experience by providing constant entertainment while not scoring.
During the first half, Sky Sports pundit Ally McCoist was so frustrated with Morelos he even took the time to pronounce his name correctly.
Celtic dominated the first period…
…only to be repeatedly denied by the one man on the pitch capable of inspiring this headline.
That opening 45 led to numerous Celtic fans gloating about how average their side had made Rangers look.
Some might respond by asking how average a side that topped their Europa League group really is, or even by asking how bad you must be if you’re trailing an average side by 19 points.
Others might respond by putting their fingers in their ears, accusing anyone who speaks ill of Neil Lennon of not being a real fan and writing an 800-word blog about Bobby Madden.
Both sides were handed a boost on 62 minutes, with Rangers gaining a one-man advantage and Celtic bloggers gaining a baseless conspiracy with which to tide their subscribers over for the next four days.
With Nir Bitton sent off for denying Morelos a clear goalsquandering opportunity, Celtic were forced into a reshuffle.
Despite fans predicting a red card and own goal for Duffy, the Irishman only received a yellow card and the own goal was in fact scored by Callum McGregor.
It finished 1-0, and Neil ‘always takes these things well’ Lennon took the result well.
The Celtic manager took issue with Madden’s decision to send Bitton off, calling it “wrong”, “pretty poor” and “a convenient smokescreen for our failings as a team that should placate the more gullible elements of our fanba…sorry, I wasn’t meant to read that bit out loud”.
In order to defend the decision, Sky were forced to wheel out such biased, blatantly pro-Rangers pundits as Stan Petrov.
Lennon and his men soon headed off to Dubai in their second most pointless trip of the day.
An afternoon when Rangers moved a step closer to the title, and an afternoon when Celtic fans shouted ‘Look how s***e they are!’ while pointing at a team 19 points above them.
Old Firm Facts’ columns are satirical, obviously.