Capcom's Monster Hunter isn't the only video game ready to be bastardised by clueless directors and actors who have never touched a controller.
Milla Jovovich’s upcoming Monster Hunter movie has been confirmed for Fall 2020. Fans are understandably concerned seeing as video game movies are notoriously bad, as well as because Jovovich is an actress who made the Resident Evil franchise an accessory to make herself look cool and attractive. With her husband Paul W.S. Anderson in the director’s seat, there’s very little to be hopeful about , especially after seeing the set photos Jovovich posted to Instagram.
Unfortunately, Monster Hunter isn’t the only video game being turned into a movie. Thanks to the bigwigs at publishers like Sony believing it’s necessary for their best video game hits to be bastardised by clueless directors and actors who have never touched a controller, there’s a bevy of titles planned for the big screen.
The dream duo for an Uncharted movie would have been Tom Cruise and Christopher McQuarrie. Cruise legitimately does all the death-defying stunts Nathan Drake pulls off so easily in Uncharted, and McQuarrie has quickly established himself as one of Hollywood’s best directors and screenwriters. Sadly, what we’re getting instead is Spider-Boy Tom Holland, and director Dan Trachtenberg (10 Cloverfield Lane). Focusing on a young Nathan Drake’s first encounter and expedition with Victor goddamn Sullivan, Sony’s Uncharted movie could either mess up the video games’ story, or it could be a delightful foray into Drake’s life before meeting Elena.
With the amount of directors that have come and gone, Sony’s Indiana Jones may never happen. And if it does, it can’t possibly be worse than the alternate reality’s version starring Mark Wahlberg.
Resident Evil Reboot
Thank the heavens Resident Evil is getting a reboot. Although Jovovich’s first movie wasn’t horrible, the series quickly became an excuse for Anderson to film his towelled and bare wife while earning a fortune. Following the events of Resident Evil 7, the Resident Evil reboot will supposedly be a horror movie rather than a Blade knock-off. Johannes Roberts (The Strangers: Prey At Night, 47 Metres Down) is taking the director’s seat, and hopefully he can succeed in capturing the seventh instalment’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre atmosphere.
Produced by horror maestro James Wan (Insidious, The Conjuring), the Resident Evil Reboot has potential to be good. However, you probably shouldn’t hold your breath as it could be seen by Wan as a quick way to make a buck.
Metal Gear Solid
Metal Gear Solid director Jason Vogt-Roberts (Kong: Skull Island) is a lucky man. One, he gets to try and turn one of the most classic video games of all time into a blockbuster hit, and he’s also been able to play the miraculous Death Stranding thanks to his connections with Hideo Kojima. Unlike some of the other directors who have tried to make video games mainstream by casting hot actors and including horrible music, Vogt-Roberts is a legitimate fan of the source material. Having promised to “fight tooth and nail to make sure it is done properly”, this is probably the series’ best chance to be a success on the big screen.
The last thing heard about a Borderlands movie back in 2018 was that it is going to be directed by Lego Batman’s Chris McKay, and that it will adopt a Guardians Of The Galaxy meets Mad Max: Fury Road style. On paper, this sounds incredible. In reality, it will probably be a disappointing adaptation that loses the video games’ identity. The now defunct Telltale proved that Borderlands is capable of boasting a kick-ass story and unforgettable characters with Tales Of The Borderlands, but it will be very hard to adapt the series’ in-your-face humour for the big screen without p***ing off a large portion of folks. We all know how bad Suicide Squad mirrored James Gunn’s Guardians Of The Galaxy, so there’s very little reason to believe Lionsgate could be any more successful. If anything, they’ll probably do it worse.
Five Nights At Freddy’s
Can you believe a Five Nights At Freddy’s movie is being made by Blumhouse Productions and Chris Columbus (Mrs. Doubtfire, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone)? Well, despite being a series without any real substantial plot, the cheap jumpscare simulator Five Nights At Freddy’s is planned to be the next overrated horror franchise after Paranormal Activity. It’s going to be live-action, and – although delayed – it will be penned by series creator, Scott Cawthon.
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