Atlus are going to have The Phantom Thieve steal the hearts of paedophiles and corrupt politicians once more in the enhanced Persona 5 R on Nintendo Switch.

Persona Central discovered yesterday that Atlus now owns the domain ‘P5R.JP”. With this happening mere weeks after an enhanced edition for Persona 5 was rumoured to accompany the release of Joker for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on the Nintendo Switch, fans are understandably giddy about Persona 5 R appearing to be real rather than another wet dream that never comes true. So, with the enhanced edition to Persona 5 now seeming certain, we’ve decided to list what we want added to our already too long extravaganza. While the opportunity to stuff our willy between our legs to be a girl would be nice, and the chance to date the dudes bar Mishima would be welcome, we’ve decided to focus on things that are in line with what Atlus has done before with Persona 3: FES and Persona 4: Golden.

More Costumes and Personas

© Atlus

To start things off basic, the minimalist ingredient Persona 5 R requires is more costumes for you to dress the Phantom Thieves. Be it sexy, festive, sexy festive, or a wink to nerd culture like the Phoenix Rangers assortment in Persona 4 Golden, extra costumes are a no-brainer for us dolts who enjoy ruining continuity.

In addition, there should be more Personas. Yes, it’s infuriatingly tedious completing Justine and Caroline’s extensive compendium (for which there is ZERO reward), but there should still be more sexy, weird, sexy weird, and eccentric gods and demons for you to control after enslaving them with the power of charming abuse.

Another School Festival/Social Getaway

Compared to Persona 4 Golden’s camping and beach trips, the school festivals and social getaways in Persona 5 sucked. Okay, they weren’t terrible, but the joke about Ryuji being chased by two dashing and in no way stereotypical (sarcasm!) gay men was nowhere near as funny as Chie and Yukiko almost poisoning you with their Crème de la crème surprise. To make up for this, Atlus should include one or two new trips like the beach and ski resort in Persona 4 Golden. This would freshen up most fans’ third playthrough, as well as make your real-life mates jealous of the quality time you’re spending with your fictional pals.

School Social Clubs To Raise Stats

© Atlus

Unlike his forerunners, the protagonist in Persona 5 was a too cool for school dude who never even entertained the idea of joining the decathlon, drama club or music class. Instead of raising his stats through learning how to play the guitar or how to act (which would’ve been a useful skill for a thief), he chose to magically improve his charm by stuffing his face with burgers bigger than the bellies of men who can’t see their feet, let alone their d**ks. Persona 5 R should change this by adding school social clubs. These could be the backdrop for extra confidants, or they could be another way for you to improve your stats while hanging out with your needy teammates.

One More Part Of Japan

It’s great going to knock-off Disneyland, eating ramen, and hanging out with your best man in a romantic landscape where lovers and incestuous siblings give you dirty looks, but like a spoiled Disney princess we just want more. So, like Persona 4: Golden with Okina City, Persona 5 R should give us a new area to explore, waste money, and be extremely loud with confidants.

A New Palace

© Atlus

Again because we’re all greedy, it’d be great if Persona 5 R had another f***ed up individual for us to explore their tainted heart. Seeing as the original had mob bosses, paedophiles, corrupt politicians who resemble Bane, and even more paedophiles, it’s difficult to think what Atlus could do next. With the sinners having all been connected to Shido in some capacity, the desired new victim would have to be another of his lackeys or victims. That and he/she would need to be an extremely distorted individual so we’d have another visually popping palace to roam while completing puzzles, listening to catchy music, and toppling bosses whose sin couldn’t be showing any more.

An Additional Phantom Thief

Unlike Persona 4: Golden’s Marie, the newest confidant should be much more than another unclaimed hole for your protagonist to land his ship and write ‘mine’. They should be someone who the new palace/baddie is affiliated with, and thus they should awaken to the unknown power of being able to kill contorted projections with theatric gods and demons. The tricky thing for Atlus would be when to introduce the newest member in an effective way without having to mess about too much with the already fixed and timely schedule of palaces and Persona awakenings. Still, it would be nice to have another girl/boy joining the Phantom Thieves to make them even more disorderly.

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