Lombard Street Research has published a tongue-in-cheek alternative guide to 2016 containing (highly) unrealistic (but amusing) scenarios.
It's that time of year when economists compete to release unique forecasts for the months ahead, flooding the inboxes of market players with outlooks on everything from iron ore to exotic debt.
Luckily, a few research houses like to spice things up.
Joining the ranks of Saxo Bank's annual outrageous predictions for the year ahead, Lombard Street Research (LSR) has published a tongue-in-cheek alternative guide to 2016. Containing (highly) unrealistic (but amusing) scenarios, LSR's chief European economist Dario Perkins mocks current news events from 'Brexit' fears to Donald Trump's presidential campaign.
Here are a few highlights from his report released on Wednesday:
After creating a massive shortage of government bonds, mortgage-backed securities and all European regional/municipal debt, European Central Bank [ECB] chief Mario Draghi is forced to extend his asset purchase program to include second-hand Ferraris, holiday homes in Sardinia, Ferragamo loafers, Panini soccer stickers and super Tuscan wines.
"This causes outrage at the Bundesbank, adding fuel to German claims that Draghi is 'just a classic Italian central banker', setting policy only with a view to helping out his own country."
In which Donald Trump, presidential hopeful and current leading Republican candidate , is forced to pull out from the race after leaked documents reveal a detailed agenda for his four years in office, including "foreign policies that extend beyond building the wall."
"One disillusioned former Trump supporter said, 'We thought he was different. We thought he would make politics interesting. But he's just like all the rest and now no amount of silly gaffes or clever one-liners can convince me otherwise."
Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe finally launches Abenomics' long-awaited structural reforms into full throttle and delivers the world's fastest-growing economy.
"Economists start writing again about 'Japan's miracle.' No one mentions 'secular stagnation' or liquidity traps ever again. Paul Krugman's public speaking fee suffers chronic deflation."
A year that sees England win the European football Championships [UEFA] after beating every other team on penalties, prompting the British public to realize they like being part of Europe and vote by a massive majority to stay in the European Union.
"Striker Wayne Rooney is knighted for his services to European integration, and the team's manager, Roy Hodgson, becomes Lord Hodgson of Wembley. Following his stunning referendum victory, David Cameron resigns as prime minister and becomes the new president of the European Commission."
Brazilians give up on football following their disastrous World Cup exit in 2014 and instead, concentrate all their energy on Olympic sports.
"The home team does stunningly well in the 2016 summer games and immediately sets its sights on the 2018 winter Olympics. Booming demand for fake snow and skiing equipment revives Brazil's flagging economy and a new tax on bobsleighs restores the public finances to health."
Chinese demand for English pub favorites haddock, potatoes and Greene King IPA ale soars after President Xi Jinping made headlines when eating fish and chips at a Buckinghamshire pub this year .
"This leads to a startling improvement in the UK's trade balance. Heavily inebriated Chinese investors push the average price of a two-bedroom flat in Peckham to two million pounds, enabling Britain's workers to give up their jobs and become rentiers."
After a year of tense, anti-austerity comments hurled at European creditors, former Greek finance minister Yanis Varoufakis joins the global lecture circuit—by motorbike.
"Loosely based on a scene from A Beautiful Mind, but also strongly influenced by Che Guevara and the poetry of Pablo Neruda, the Greek professor talks on the subject of 'The forgotten art of seduction: An empirical application of advanced game theory'. The tour is funded by a collaboration between Paris Match and the Socialist Worker."
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