My Love For Metal: Legitimised

Grow Up Please!

I've always felt somewhat embarrassed by my continuing guilty-pleasure-love of 1980s hair bands. So I can't help but feel a little bit legitimised that Rock of Ages opens in the UK tomorrow. (US, you can have it on Friday.)

While I've got this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, let me wax poetic about my favourite bad rock bands.

My first love was Motley Crue (Shout at the Devil, 7th grade - I thought Vince Neil was hot and had no idea at the time it was actually Nikki Sixx who was hot). Then it was the Scorpions (Love at First Sting, 8th grade - they started my love affair with West Germany, and now I'm married to a German. Coincidence? I think not.) Then came Queensryche (Operation Mindcrime, 12th grade - oh my God the drama! I mean really, who did kill Mary?). Then I dabbled in goth and industrial (various, early college - it kind of worked out well on the nightclub front in Washington, DC) before becoming a more-well-rounded music fan (uh, last year). But I always found my way back to the roots of my musical heritage. No, not Vivaldi and Bach, which I played on the violin as a well-behaved child. The music of my rebellious teen years. In no particular order, accompanying the aforementioned trio:


Who could forget Ratt 'n Roll? And Robin Crosby, of course.


Who else could say Rockin' with Dokken? And is anyone else reminded of this when they see the Dutch cigarette warning: 'Roken is dodelijk'?


Tom Keifer's may not have been quite as hot as his counterparts, but his vocals, err, smoked 'em all.

Def Leppard

I used to draw their name in 9th grade. Still can. Sat next to Rick Allen's dad on an airplane once. Really.)


It was all so good before that tragic single, Signs. But Modern Day Cowboy? Named for Nikola? Awesome.

Bon Jovi

They were definitely on the cheesier side of my liking, but still. Runaway, whoever wrote it, was a great song.

Great White

What a tragedy to more or less end their career. And for at least two albums, it was such a good one. I still love them.

Guns 'n Roses

Really, could a better, more decadent band have finished off the hair metal era? Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Nirvana.

My listening never got as silly as Pretty Boy Floyd, Warrant or Poison. It never got as heavy as Metallica, Slayer or Anthrax. But I do have a few super guilty pleasures like the Kingdom Come, Sleeze Beez, Noisy Mama, Killer Dwarfs, Love on Ice, Love/Hate and T-Ride, all of which put out one album that I love. (But seriously, how were they all not parodies of bad metal bands? OK, fine, all of these bands were kind of ridiculous. Whatever.)

Now I appreciate things like Trans-Siberian Orchestra selling a gazillion copies of their bombastic Christmas rock operas. (And to think part of their genius came out of Savatage, which came out of my part of the Floridian world! We hold these things dear.) But I also appreciate things that are less metal. Like Tuscany, capers, baby monitors, Le Creuset, and platinum.

Oh, wait, platinum is a metal. Rock on!


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