Here's 9 things you can do to try and avoid getting laid off.
1. Go off on long-term sick leave
2. 'Come out' - everyone loves a gay, especially a firm with diversity targets
3. Start doing some real work
4. Make out that you / your partner are having a baby (probably a good idea not to try this at the same time you have done number 2 above)
5. Fake an accident - crutches are cheap
6. Volunteer for redundancy - there's no way you'll get laid-off then
7. Talk often and loudly about all the friends you have in the financial press
8. Pretend that you've been taking a law degree at night school
9. Learn to speak Mandarin (fluently)
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