It's not fear over my next bonus that keeps me up at night. It's what I am going to go when I hit 40.
For quite some time now, my wife has been questioning me about what we should do to celebrate the big four-Oh. And given that it's only five months away, it's probably only fair that the social director of the household starts investing some resources into the details of the proceedings.
We haven't made much progress even with the basics, because any planning nowadays needs to take two small kids into consideration. This adds a degree of complexity that I had no idea about when I hit the big three-Oh. Which, by the way, doesn't look that big from where I stand.
A moment of quiet contemplation later, I realised that I love quality time with my wife, and only very occasionally wonder what life would look like without the addition of two little boys. Nevertheless, I would find some pleasure in celebrating my big day with a few key figures from my previous lives.
Wouldn't it be fun, methinks, to take the occasion to reunite (socially only) with the (still-single-and-drunk-most-weekends) ex-wife who left me for not being mature enough, and for being unsuited to ever become the head of a family?
Or how about a drink with the cute blonde girl from high school who I enjoyed tutoring very much? She never showed the faintest interest in me until recently, when we 'socially networked' and she inquired about my marital status and told me about her wish to move to London someday.
That said, I think it would be unwise to include all girls that I have unsuccessfully admired at some stage in my life, since that guest list would get out of hand. Having said that, their presence would certainly provide some satisfaction, of which we all know (thanks to Mick Jagger, having been 40 for decades) one can hardly ever get enough.
For the sake of equal opportunities, I should also blacklist those who bullied me in school, despite the fact I would no doubt enjoy rubbing in the fact that our lives have evolved in markedly different directions (hopefully with mine being not only diametrically opposed, but also well-ahead).
After careful consideration, it seems overall wiser to avoid cheap shots and low punches. After all, the ghosts of years past have disappeared out of my life for reasons, many of them very good ones. And I shall refrain from providing these ghosts with a second coming. At what is - hopefully - only the halfway mark of my life, I might still make unwise decisions occasionally, but at least for the most part, I choose my company wisely.
In that vein, I will focus on taking my wife into the snowy mountains come January.
And I will make sure that neither of my boys gets left behind.
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