The Truth About Trophy Wives

Trophy - Roy Mattappallil

Of course I can appreciate natural beauty, and yes, I applaud immaculate personal grooming, but I always wondered why some women were referred to as 'trophy wives'. But now it’s oh so clear, because they do actually deserve a medal.

There was I thinking they were ladies of leisure, their purses filled with money, their wardrobes bursting with clothes, lunches accompanied by white wine spritzers, and days filled with pampering delights (while their Money Honey’s going out to earn the readies). It’s the life every girl dreams of surely, at least for a while. But it seems their day isn’t that simple after all.

Last week I met the Ladies Who Lunch at a dinner party. (Of course it wasn’t a lunch - I inhale rather than eat my lunch over a keyboard in under three minutes whilst doing five things at once. Lunch with proper cutlery, a wine glass and a table cloth is something I can only dream of.) And I was startled to learn the typical schedule of my non-working female dining companions.

Granted they aren’t sat with their heads stuck in spreadsheets all day. But being a trophy wife is no mean feat. It takes a lot of hours and a serious amount of dedication to look that polished. Manicures, pedicures, self-tanning, hair conditioning, face masks, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, exercising - crikey...this is a full time job. If I manage a bi-annual manicure I’m doing well, and I don’t think my skin has seen a face mask. Ever. Of course there are days when I try and look fabulous and put in a hundred and ten percent effort. But there are also days when I’m glad there’s no paparazzi at my door and my neighbours don’t know my name because I look downright hideous.

So ladies, before you wish your job away and try to hunt down Mr Money Bags, think about what you'll have to give up. Being a trophy wife comes with expectation, and no, you don’t get the weekend off. Gone are the days of sitting at home in your hoodie eating ice-cream out the tub with your hair in a pony-tail. You must look immaculate - always.

And don’t even get me started on the wifely duties. I thought my job was tough, but trophy wives? I salute you. One day I might like to trade with you - but not yet.

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