Why Ugly Men Come Out on Top

Forget all those rom-coms flogging the likes of Mr Big, or the impossibly up-himself Matthew McConaughey, not to mention the Dolce & Gabbana models bulging out of their boxers. Smart girls know that if you want solid gold, you need a man who’s less than perfect. And there is nothing that holds quite as much promise as an ugly man.

I'm thinking along the lines of Rhys Ifans over Brad Pitt (minus those horrid Y-fronts he wore in Notting Hill, of course). Or Daniel Craig over Pierce Brosnan. Someone a little rough around the edges, a little lopsided - none of that cartoonishly-perfect bone structure.

The fact is life is easy for the beautiful ones, and a lot harder for those who fell out of the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. From nursery to boardroom, the Uglies have to fight harder. They haven't glided along a carpet of admiration provided by fawning teachers, adoring parents, and salivating secretaries. They have had to develop charm, wit, drive, and manners to open every door.

As a consequence, when you date a man who's not an oil painting, he puts in the effort. He knows how much harder he has to work to woo you. Doubtless he'll have clawed his way up the career ladder, because without wallet power he'll always be losing out to the moody French artist with lacerating cheekbones scraping a living in an attic somewhere. Mr Ugly never stops trying - from boardroom to bedroom - and you've got to love him for it.

If his imperfections really bother you, then take heart. There's a whole arsenal at your disposal if you want to turn him into Brad Pitt or David Beckham (although God knows why you would). This is known as The Project, and starts with a decent haircut and a few hours with a personal shopper. You can take it to the next level with a personal trainer, some good dental work, and even a few strategic cosmetic re-touches. And there you have it - a hottie on the outside, but the same down to earth guy on the inside. When you show him off (and it'll be hard not to), your friends will wish they'd had your foresight and patience.

A note of caution though, because The Project is not without risks. One friend embarked on an epic improvement schedule after nabbing a wonderful Mr Ugly who'd been lurking around the fringes of the trading floor. The results were spectacular. But as her svelte, immaculately groomed, cashmere-clad boy delighted in his newfound magnetism, he attracted a small army of admirers. Dizzy with the possibilities at his fingertips for the first time in his life, he took flight, and the fruits of my friend's efforts landed in the undeserving hands of someone else. In short, he'd turned into Mr Beautiful - cocky, complacent, and susceptible to being pounced on by a rival strumpet.

So be warned, keep your Ugly a little a rough around the edges, and the gem will remain yours to treasure.

Here Is The Writer : Alice in Numberland

Alice in Numberland By day Alice crunches numbers at a banking colossus in Canary Wharf, and by night she devotes her time to studying the strange behaviours of the male species. In between she expands her collection of Agent Provocateur and runs marathons.


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