Important memo from Human Resources - Swearing in the Office

Memo To All Firm Employees

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals throughout the firm have been using foul language during the course of normal business conversations with their co-workers.

Due to the high number of complaints from our more sensitive employees, this type of language will no longer be tolerated in the office.

We do, however, appreciate the critical importance for staff to accurately express their feelings in discussions with fellow employees. With this in mind, we have come up with a 'Try Saying' list of phrases, in order that staff can exchange their ideas in an effective manner without offending their colleagues. 

Try Saying - 'Perhaps I can work late'

Instead of - 'And when the f... do you expect me to do this ?'

Try Saying - 'I'm certain it isn't feasible'

Instead of - 'No' way'

Try Saying - 'Perhaps you should check with....'

Instead of - 'Try telling someone who could give a sh.t'

Try Saying - 'I wasn't involved in this project'

Instead of - 'It's not my' problem'

Try Saying - 'He's not familiar with the issues'

Instead of - 'He's got his head up his ar.e'

Try Saying - 'I'm a bit overloaded at the moment'

Instead of - 'F... it, my bonus will be cr.p this year anyway'

Try Saying - 'You want me to take care of that ?'

Instead of - 'Who the Hell died and made you boss ?'

Try Saying - 'He's somewhat insensitive'

Instead of - 'He's a'

Try Saying - 'Perhaps you need a coach'

Instead of - 'You don't know what the f... you're doing'

Please note that staff who do not adhere to these guidelines will be told to clear their desks and f... off.

Thank You

Human Resources

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