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Manchester City's Vincent Kompany with young Swansea fans before the game

Vincent Kompany’s fragility leaves him facing game’s cruel reality

There is a wonderful old sketch in The Goon Show when Throat, Neddie Seagoon and Justin Eidelburger, played by Spike Milligan and his partners in anarchy, Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers, intend to steal Napoleon’s piano and arrange to meet outside the Louvre on the second stroke of midnight. Except Seagoon arrives on the third stroke. “You’re late,” Eidelburger says. And the explanation is a thing of beauty. “Sorry,” Seagoon says, “my legs were slow.”

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger

Arsène Wenger’s gift arrives wrapped in a majestic Arsenal first half

Close your eyes, Arsène. Now … Open them. Happy 20th anniversary! Yes, that’s right. It’s exactly what you’ve always wanted. For one perfect half at the Emirates Arsenal produced something sublime, 45 minutes that contained pretty much the full set of Wenger-isms entwined in a relentless performance of sinuous passing football.