Play festival bingo!

Glastonbury Pyramid Stage

Now is the summer of our disco tent. Arm yourself with our spotter's guide to 25 things that happen whenever Brits gather for alfresco fun ....

1 | Chino-clad politician arrives on-site for awkward photo opportunity

2 | Horrifically sunburnt man asleep on ground but everyone's too scared to wake him

3 | Thirtysomething sports Ray-Bans and straw Stetson combo

4 | You're offered drugs but can't work out what the seller is saying. "Something, whiz, weed, blah blah, pills, mumble, shrooms, yada yada, trips, something else."

5 | Bikini-clad woman sits on man's shoulders. Cameras love her, people behind less keen

6 | Long, snaking queue of smug couples at artisan gourmet food van

7 | Shirtless lads take turns to slide through mud puddle, as onlookers try not to get splashed

8 | Street style bloggers take snaps of glamorous women in suspiciously clean kaftans and peasant blouses

9 | Tired-and-emotional man repeatedly nods off while trying to urinate against fence

10 | Welsh dragon flag fluttering in the crowd, down the front, to the right of the moshpit

11 | Group of identikit women in denim hotpants, Hunter wellies and feathered head-dresses

12 | Everyone ignores crusty juggler wearing tie-dyed harem pants and a waistcoat with nothing underneath

13 | Stumbling drunks repeatedly trip over your tent guy-ropes and shout "Sorry!"

14 | Older couple sit in crowd on folding chairs, comfortable but unable to see a thing

15 | Over-refreshed couple throw shapes to tinny music from a market stall, rather than walk a few yards further to the dance tent

16 | Inflatable kangaroo passed overhead in crowd

17 | Determined man pushes supermarket trolley full of lager through field

18 | Important-looking man stands at side of stage with armful of wristbands, jangling wad of lanyards around neck and stony expression

19 | Annoying youth watches entire gig through iPhone camera turned sideways

20 | Everyone sits in traffic jams, vowing to arrive a day earlier and leave a day later next time

21 | Gang of burly men in drag, possibly on a stag do

22 | Hippyish couple stand in classic gig formation: man behind woman, his arms wrapped round her, both swaying to the music

23 | PA announcement about a wedding at the festival. Singletons half-heartedly cheer, couples exchange soppy looks

24 | Small children wearing facepaint and fairy wings

25 | Long, snaking queue of drunk males at greasy burger van

Powered by Guardian.co.ukThis article was written by Michael Hogan, for The Observer on Sunday 30th March 2014 07.00 Europe/London

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2010