SPOOF - England win v England lose reporting

Wembley England

England’s sensational 1-0 win over Denmark on Wednesday evening puts to rest doubts over the Three Lions’ chances of winning the World Cup.

England win 1-0 against Denmark

Although it was still a game marred by nervousness and a clear lack of tactical awareness from the manager, at least this manager is properly English. Captain charisma Steven Gerrard led Our Boys admirably on the night and an impressive performance, including a worthy assist, from Southampton starlet Adam Lallana could give Roy Hodgson a selection headache this summer.

The lads done brilliant against a Denmark side capable of causing problems on several occasions when Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner almost found the goal peering out from behind his ego.

Youngster Jack Wilshere took a good old-fashioned kicking from Liverpool enforcer Daniel Agger but up Jack got and home did trot as fast as he could caper. Liverpool wonderkid Raheem Sterling wowed the crowd who had taken to Mexican waving in the first half – the Reds starlet dazzled the manager with his running and passing skills, making him a must-have for the World Cup squad although his finishing will surely see him ousted from the penalty takers list by Daniel Sturridge.

The Liverpool striker has been in fine form since leaving Chelsea where he was mistaken as a winger but, his flank status firmly behind him now, he will surely beat Manchester United prospect Danny Welbeck to the No.9 role unless Andy Carroll invents a time-machine and travels back to 2012.

It was a glorious occasion and a superb win to boost morale ahead of upcoming tests against Peru, Ecuador and Honduras. A headed goal from a corner is exactly the tonic to prove England are as creative and innovative as they’ve ever been.

England lose 1-0 to Denmark

Roy Hodgson’s catastrophic tactics led to yet another devastating blow to England’s hopes of winning the World Cup in Brazil.

The Three Lions looked more like eleven headless chickens as they roamed around Wembley like they were looking for the cash point. England youngster Raheem Sterling had held so much promise but his glaring miss could make him a scapegoat for a display that saw him miss a chance to score even John Terry would have put away.

England were so rubbish it can only lead to arduous debate over the state of the development system in our country, once the home of football, now the den of despair as our youngsters are more interested in becoming the next Harry Styles than the next Bobby Moore. It's all the foreigners in the Premier League with their diving and classless technical proficiency.

It’s a sorry state of affairs when the nation that won the World Cup in 1966 can't hold on to a goalless draw against Denmark whose biggest asset is that they are nowhere near as xenophobic as the English.

Gone are the days when we had David Beckham marshalling the troops and wearing sarongs for his country – that was real innovation – this lot couldn’t pass wind. They should all be dropped. We need better coaches, better players, better managers, better tactics, better results and, most of all, better journalists.

image: © geetarchurchy

Register for HITC Sport - Daily Dispatch