Thank you for getting your Sales Assistant to mail my Valentine's Day card

You Are Fired - Valentine's Day

'Dear Craig,

Many thanks for the Valentine's card which turned up with the post this morning.

How very kind of you to think to get your secretary to go out and buy it, write it, and mail it to me. If you had come home last night, of course, you could have handed it to me personally. But I know how tough things are at work, and how all these business trips must be really difficult for you, keeping you away from your beloved family so much.

It's been hard on us in recent years, of course, especially since your last three bonuses were cut back and your firm has been driving you so hard. The children and I, as you know, have been doing our best to cope with things, and have tighened our belts considerably because of our straightened circumstances. It's just a pity that so much of our income currently goes on that sales assistant you recruited last year (yes, I know about her - and I have photos). My private investigator is very efficient, you know - and so good with the camera! So reasonably priced too - although I guess that, ultimately, you will be paying for him!!

On seeing some of the pictures, Johnny said that he had never seen you look so happy. He pointed out that big smile on your face, but did wonder what you were doing with that whip ? He is so perceptive for a 9 year-old! My mother, on the other hand, wasn't quite as impressed. It will be interesting to see how your bosses react, though - the portfolio was couriered over to your firm yesterday. No doubt you'll let me know.

I've sent all your clothes to your office - after all, we won't be needing them here any longer. You'll also be pleased to know that the locks have been changed at the house, so you'll no longer have to worry about carrying two sets of keys around with you. Oh, and all that money you seem to have misplaced in the attic - I found it! Or at least the PI did. And all your tax returns, bank statements and payslips too - it was so pleasing to learn that we aren't as badly off as I thought, and that you must have been mistaken about those last 3 bonus payouts! Things are already looking up!!

One bit of bad news, though. I took your new car out for a trip to the store. On the way there, however, it unfortunately ran off the road, falling 30 feet into Jones Creek. It's a wreck, I'm afraid. So lucky I wasn't in it at the time!

Anyway, must be going now. This is probably the last time I'll be writing to you. My lawyer will be handling things like this in future. Give my regards to the sales assistant - I hope she's worth it!'.


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