Hollywood needs Allardyce: He'd survive zombie apocalypse, score the sexy chick

Sam Allardyce

If ever the film industry was short of real-life survivalists, look no further than West Ham United boss, formerly of Newcastle United and Bolton Wanderers.

America seems to love end-of-the-world plots filled with bizarre, flesh-eating undead ready to ravage the planet of human life, feasting on their brains and wiping out towns until people like you and I slowly endure an excruciating transition from a normal person to a lobotomised maniac with an insatiable hunger.

All government agencies are deemed either incompetent or unfit to solve the crisis and so the future of man and womankind lies in the hands of a minority, or maybe even one, hero. Someone willing to decapitate the zombies with the business end of a great-sword that just so happened to contain a seemingly-forgotten enchantment so that it was capable of turning skull into crumbs.

This hero, this natural-born survivalist, would save the day, rescue the human-race from near extinction, score the sexy chick (I'm thinking Katy Perry or maybe Sofia Vergara) but continue to go unheralded in his home-land. Then next year the same thing happens… 364 days later another virus consumes seemingly-normal beings and the hero once again springs into action to ensure his people's survival. Again he goes without mass praise.

If Hollywood ever needed a man with first-hand experience of this, they need look no further than West Ham United manager Sam Allardyce, a coach who overcomes media scrutiny to ensure survival for relegation-threatened teams.

Just one month ago, West Ham were getting beaten by Crystal Palace, annihilated by Liverpool, slayed by Manchester United, beaten by Arsenal, defeated by Fulham, embarrassed by Nottingham Forest and humiliated by Manchester City.

They were eliminated from the League Cup, their position in the Premier League was perilously close to the drop, yet, since tying Chelsea to a 0-0 draw at their manor, the Hammers have returned a hat-trick of 2-0 victories over Swansea City, Aston Villa and Norwich City.

In the midst of their poor form, Allardyce faced opposition fan chanting that he'd be getting sacked in the morning. In movie speak, the fact he didn't and ended up turning the tide in his favour, is a coming-of-age of sorts. He overcame his crisis moment and will now, most likely, do what he has long done… secure a comfortable finish in the division.

'It's all been about not enough goals but now we've started to score and for us it's about getting both ends right now,' said Hollywood's next action hero Allardyce, as quoted by Sky Sports. 'We've always had it defensively right apart from when we had a group of injuries to the central defenders and full-backs but now the defenders are back.

'We are defending extremely well and we are starting to take our chances. We didn't have many tonight so it's nice to see us taking them when we don't have many.'

The Irons currently have 28 points after 26 matchdays. They are tenth in the division, safe by four clear points when, just a fortnight ago, Allardyce's men were in the relegation zone.

image: © Ben Sutherland

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