Welcome back to the Transfer Bin. The mission statement is to deconstruct the most unlikely transfer tittle tattle of the day and promptly throw it out, hopefully to never be seen again.
Step up: Romelu Lukaku to Barcelona.
Spanish television station TV3 have reported that Barcelona manager Tata Martino has identified Romelu Lukaku as the man to lead his attack next season.
With respect to Barcelona, we are sure Tony Pulis has identified Lukaku as the striker to get Crystal Palace firing, but it makes no difference, because Chelsea are not going to sell.
Lukaku is too valuable to cast away. Whatever personal problems he may have with Jose Mourinho, expect them to get resolved for the club and player's common interest next season.
If they can't be, Chelsea would surely rather defer the decision another year and loan him out again, rather than take a gamble by selling arguably the top striking prospect in world football.
It's no surprise that Barcelona want to sign Lukaku, but this piece of exciting news for their supporters has come at a convenient time. Barcelona are coming off the back of two consecutive defeats, and could do with a piece of positive press about their pro-active transfer strategy to distract from any current on-pitch adjustments which need to be made.
A further element which makes this deal unlikely is Jose Mourinho himself. The ex-Real Madrid manager has had countless run-ins with Barcelona during his time in Spain, with a vice president of the club labeling him the 'scourge of La Liga' just this year.
The chance of Mourinho selling away his golden ticket to future success with Chelsea, to one of his old enemies, is just not going to happen.
He may be after Radamel Falcao next summer, but it remains possible that any if not all of the trio of Eto'o, Torres and Ba could leave, and Lukaku is surely their one long-term option.
Lukaku at Barcelona would certainly be a sight to behold, but if Mourinho gets him firing with the likes of Hazard, Oscar and Mata behind him, then the Belgian will have to look no further in his quest to go on to be the best.
Rubbish rating: Speculative and hopeful, but still complete rubbish!
image: © nicksarebi