What a beautiful thing their new music video is. She takes her top off, he's on a motorbike rapping, they kiss. Oh yes, it's love for everyone to see
Lost in Showbiz Blog
You find Lost in Showbiz stranded at something of an emotional crossroads. The problem is the issue of its parents. They have been married for more than 40 years, but it's impossible to know whether they're in love. Or if they've ever really been in love, for that matter.
Sure, Lost in Showbiz has seen plenty of photographs of them going through the motions – getting married, raising children, generally delighting in each other's company at every opportunity – and yet something is missing. The elephant in the room has become impossible to ignore. In short, Lost in Showbiz doesn't know whether its parents love each other or not, because they have never filmed a music video where its mum takes her bra off and straddles its dad on a motorbike in slow motion.
If only Lost in Showbiz's parents were Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, everything would be so much clearer. You see, Kanye and Kim are in love. They couldn't be more in love. And they don't care who knows. Actually, that's a lie. Kanye and Kim do care who knows. They very clearly want everybody to know. There's a suspicion that, if they could, they would happily pin everyone's eyes open Clockwork Orange-style and force us to watch a three-hour slideshow of them presenting each other with pebbles that look a bit like hearts.
But that would be impractical so, instead, they have done the next best thing: they have made a music video together. Now, usually, this would set off all manner of alarm bells. Historical precedent for this isn't great. When Jennifer Lopez roped Ben Affleck into appearing in the Jenny from the Block video, it signalled the precise moment that the public turned against Affleck so violently that he had to grow a beard and make films about Iran to rehabilitate his image. Similarly, one could argue that people started to get bored of the chastely enchanting fairytale of Katie Price and Peter Andre only when they appeared together in the music video for their duet of A Whole New World from The Little Mermaid.
It even extends further than music videos. Eyes rolled when Cheryl and Ashley Cole posed for that National Lottery advert together. People got sick of Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey when they were photographed eating promotional Cadbury's merchandise on their wedding day. And they were Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey, for crying out loud. Who could possibly have expected that we would get sick of them?
However, Kanye's Bound 2 video is different. It's beautiful. It's a work of art. It's a declaration of love as poetic as anything that has ever come before it. We see the sun rising over the mountains. We see six white horses galloping majestically through the surf. And then, just when the sheer awe-inspiring beauty of the natural world has left us open-mouthed and speechless, we see Kim taking her top off and dry-humping Kanye on a motorbike while he raps about how hard he's going to bang her. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes. To paraphrase Aristotle, love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies on a motorbike in slow motion, but only as long as one of those souls has her boobs out.
For a while, many of us feared that this almighty message of love would never happen. After all, Kanye is a man who prizes his reputation above all else. That's why he rarely appears on Kim's reality shows. It's also why he left his tender ballad about her, entitled Awesome (sample lyric: "You're awesome/ Also, I'm also awesome") off his Yeezus album, and replaced it with 40 minutes of him atonally kicking some saucepans down the stairs and huffing the word "God" over and over again like a third-rate Napoleon Dynamite knock-off.
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But the Bound 2 video has blasted those doubts to one side. This is a couple who want to splay their love wide open for everyone to see. It is evident in the shots where Kim holds her body close to Kanye, because she loves him and also because she's nude on a moving motorbike so she's probably quite parky. You can see it in the shots where she reclines against the handlebars and does her best to disguise the fact that it's easily the most excruciatingly uncomfortable thing she's ever been asked to do. You can see it in the weird, hesitant, tight-lipped kiss they share; the sort of kiss that you'd normally give under duress as a toddler when your granny came to visit. Oh yes, this is love all right.
It will be interesting to see where things go from here. Artistically, judging by all the airbrushed shots of Monument Valley and silhouettes of naked girls on motorbikes, it's clear that Kanye is about to enter his Athena phase. Perhaps in his next video he'll dance around with some pastel drawings of sad clowns, or spend the entire thing dressed in a tennis skirt, scratching his bum with his back to camera without any knickers on. We'll just have to wait and see.
Or perhaps, given the indirect debt the Bound 2 video pays to Serge Gainsbourg's Melody Nelson TV special, the next stage of this glorious love affair will come in the form of a duet. Maybe a cover version of Je t'aime – Moi Non Plus, where Kanye and Kim both make sex noises, albeit listless, distracted sex noises, because they are too busy compulsively Instagramming pictures of their own faces to concentrate. It would be the confirmation we all need that true love exists in the world. If Lost in Showbiz's parents are reading this, it's time to up your game.
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image: © Alexis