Darth Vader (Star Wars)
Perhaps to the Arsenal fans he is the epitome of a good boy gone bad – the hero turned villain. Like Anakin Skywalker, he was the Chosen One who was supposed to bring balance to the Force but the cute little mini-Jedi fell to the dark side and became one of the most feared and dangerous movie villains of all time in George Lucas’ creation of Darth Vader.
However, to United fans maybe he’s more of a cyborg assassin programmed to kill Arsenal. Sent back in time from 2029 when Arsenal have taken over the world, Van Persie’s mission is to avert the resistance, the threat posed by Wenger to the human race to ensure the survival of Manchester United without Sir Alex Ferguson. Only one thing's for sure Arsenal fans - he'll be back.
Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
Or maybe, just maybe, Van Persie is actually a figment of Nicklas Bendtner’s imagination – perhaps the Danish striker created Robin van Persie as an alter ego to embody the characteristics he wished he had himself. Like the ability to score goals and win titles. Maybe that explains all young Bendtner’s self-destructive tendencies recently. What if he was actually trying to damage Van Persie in that car accident? What if the Dutchman is just a psychological projection? Woah.
I know who he is – he’s a special kid with some learning difficulties who suffered some traumatic injuries as a youngster but after overcoming some bullies he goes to fight for his country where he suffers yet another pain in the butt injury but then he saves all his mates like a hero and goes off to the White House (Old Trafford) to meet the president (Ferguson) who gives him a medal and then him and Rooney are like peas and carrots again.
Jack Dawson (Titanic)
Okay, this has got to be it. He’s a poor young lad who won a ticket to board a ship he had no idea was going to hit an iceberg and sink to the bottom of the ocean taking many of its passengers down with it. Especially the really poor ones.
Most of the rich passengers get to leave on life-boats to other clubs but the nasty man tried to chain him to the sinking ship but then just in the knick of time his beloved Fergie came down and rescued him with an axe and even though Fergie leaves him so soon after they’d found each other, blowing the whistle on his career, and ending their love affair, for a moment there he felt like the king of the world. Even if he does end up as frozen fish food that brief encounter was a love to last a lifetime.
image: © Ewen Roberts