15 things to say / do at interview to ensure you NEVER get the job

Now hiring - not

These are said to be REAL life examples.

'If I were hired I would demonstrate my loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on my forearm'.

'Would it possible to be paid in cash? I’m kind of laying low right now'.

'If you Google me, just be forewarned that there’s a sexual predator who happens to share my name and Facebook page'.

'Do you have a mint ? I’m pretty sure my breath is still stanky from last night’s lovin'.

'I haven’t had lunch so I am going to eat this hamburger and chips while you interview me'.

'What can you do for me ? What are the benefits - like vacations, promotions and bonuses ?'

'What part of ‘I’ve never held a job for more than three days’ don’t you understand ?'

'You don’t have like a fiver do you ? I’ll hit you back when you hire me'.

'I left my last job because I have a problem with authority'.

'I look forward to joining the team, and eventually humiliating you into an early retirement'.

'But I'm not wanted in this state!'.

'My curfew starts at 7pm. Can we make sure this interview is wrapped up by 6 ?'.

'But I didn't steal it; I just borrowed it!'.

And here's a couple of interesting things that actually happened during interviews:

'She threw up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened'.

'He interrupted me (the interviewer) to phone his therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions!'.

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