With the international break comes the inevitable lack of football news to report because of the lack of regular games and lack of transfers and, despite it being mid-October the transfer talk has heated up in the place of actual stories.
Here are the top ten transfer rumours that defy all logic and rationality…
1) Fernando to Manchester United
The Red Devils have literally just signed a defensive midfielder in Marouane Fellaini and they already have Michael Carrick and, even if they were worried about it, they still expect Darren Fletcher to recover from illness in the next few months. This story is really silly.
2) Julian Draxler to Arsenal
Meanwhile, as far as silliness goes, the time of the year they call ‘silly season’ (the summer transfer window) saw the arrival of record breaking signing Mesut Ozil who is an attacking midfield playmaker to add to an already pretty stellar midfield and attacking armory at the Emirates, including Santi Cazorla, Jack Wilshere, Aaron Ramsey, Mikel Arteta, Mathieu Flamini, Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Lukas Podolski, Tomas Rosicky, Serge Gnabry, Gedion Zelalem, Ryo Miyaichi and Abou Diaby. Phew.
3) Patrick Herrmann to Arsenal or Tottenham
For many of the same reasons, this imaginative rumour would insult the intelligence of Paul Merson. Winger (that’s right, I repeat, winger) Patrick Herrmann is linked with both of these North London giants despite the aforementioned abundance in that position at the Emirates and the fact that Tottenham brought in Nacer Chadli, Erik Lamela, and attacking midfielder Christian Eriksen to add to the likes of Aaron Lennon, Andros Townsend and attacking midfielders Lewis Holtby and Gylfi Sigurdsson.
4) Paul Pogba to Chelsea or Arsenal
This 20-year-old former Manchester United prodigy has been linked with a move away from Juventus for months on end. He is a very talented player, both defensively and offensively and functions predominantly as a central midfielder in the box-to-box fashion.
Currently, Chelsea have Michael Essien, John Obi Mikel, Ramires, Frank Lampard and youngster Marco van Ginkel who can all operate in that position and, as for Arsenal, please refer to the above points.
5) Adnan Januzaj to Barcelona
The big worry over at Old Trafford is that the only tiny ray of sunshine the Red Devils have seen since Sir Alex retired has been 18-year-old Adnan Januzaj who is in talks over his future at present.
One wonders why the young winger-slash-midfielder would leave the club he’s been developing at since age 16 after finally breaking into the first team to score a brace on his debut, be hailed as the next Cristiano Ronaldo and be offered bags of cash, where his competition comes in the form of Ashley Young and Nani, so that he could sign for a club where he would be competing with the likes of Neymar, Pedro, Alexis Sanchez, and perhaps even Lionel Messi in a World Cup year.
6) Lewandowski to anywhere but Bayern Munich
This one could backfire on me, I’ll admit, but I very much doubt Robert Lewandowski, after spending the summer throwing his toys out the pram in Dortmund, begging, pleading, stomping and crying to force a move to the European champions Bayern Munich is now, with his contract just months from expiry, going to sign for any other club than Bayern.
I believe his recent comments about England are more likely a chess move to posture over his potential contract with Bayern – it’s an attempt to remind them how valuable he is so that they offer him a contract that reflects that.
7) David Silva to Real Madrid
This one has been pretty much debunked by the player himself this week but I still think it’s worth a mention because of its pure genius.
David Silva, currently the most important cog in the Manchester City wheel where he is paid handsomely, is going to be very tempted to sign for Real Madrid where they have Gareth Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo, Isco, Luka Modric, and in fact they had to sell Mesut Ozil because they had too many players in his position, again, in a World Cup year when he’s ardently trying to get into the Spain team ahead of Xavi, Andres Iniesta, Cesc Fabregas, Juan Mata, Isco, and even Santi Cazorla. Priceless.
8) Javier Hernandez to Tottenham
For much the same reason, although I could end up embarrassed if it actually happens, is the idea that Javier Hernandez – currently struggling to get in a team behind Robin van Persie, Wayne Rooney and Danny Welbeck at United is going to sign for Tottenham where he would compete with Roberto Soldado, Jermaine Defoe and, to lesser or non-existent extent Emmanuel Adebayor. Stranger things have happened, I’ll agree but, I don’t think it would be in the player’s interest particularly, United’s interest particularly, or even Spurs’.
9) Andrea Pirlo to Tottenham
For much the same reason as point 1 and 2, I can’t imagine why on Earth 34-year-old Andrea Pirlo who plays for the Italian champions where he is considered the master of all masters would be on his way to Tottenham where they’ve just signed Etienne Capoue, Paulinho, and Christian Eriksen to go with Moussa Dembele, Sandro, and Lewis Holtby. Maybe he hates pasta and loves the sound of rainfall?
10) Michu to Arsenal or Liverpool
Finally and, again, this one could come back to bite me on the bottom but I don’t fancy Arsenal or Liverpool being bothered with Michu since they’ve signed between them Mesut Ozil (refer to point 2), Coutinho, Iago Aspas, and Daniel Sturridge this year.
Michu is a bit like a 9 and a half position at Swansea and I give this one 9 and a half chance of being complete fantasy. Conceivably, Arsenal could consider him as an alternative to Olivier Giroud but can you really see Arsene Wenger spending £30 million on a player he knows full well cost £2 million a year ago? Pigs might fly, I guess.