The Liverpool manager recently hoped to make the mathematically impossible possible in the Premier League. We feature bonkers quotes from Strachan on Arsenal, Crouch on sex, Ibrahimovic on fire and Cantona on giving that dude the kung fu shoe.
11: 'We never accept second best. The challenge is to get into the Champions League positions, but not just be in it, but try to fight and go as high as we possibly can. That has to be the main target, to arrive in the top four.'
Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers implied this week - August, 2013 - that first best is not first but first four. Second best is fifth to eighth, obviously.
10: 'The difference between right and wrong is often no more than five metres'.
It's unclear whether Johan Cruyff was speaking about the dangers of mis-timing a slide tackle or the dangers on the streets of Amsterdam, where the distance between red-light knocking shops and churches is often no more than five metres.
9: 'Probably a virgin.'
Straight-shooting striker Peter Crouch wittily responds to what he think he'd be if he didn't turn out to be a footballer.
8: 'To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night out and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would not have been the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee.'
Ian Holloway discloses his pulling technique when asked for his thoughts following a meh performance against Chesterfield.
7: 'With Joey Barton, you know what to expect. He's going to come strong in the tackle and come in your face.'
Philippe Senderos. No comment. For legal reasons.
6: 'Everyone's cheering his plastic bottle kicking.'
5: 'It's an incredible rise to stardom, at 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.'
Strachan, again, this time speaking out on Wayne Rooney's international call-up.
4: 'I like [Mario] Balotelli: he's even crazier than me. He can score a winner, then set fire to the hotel.'
Zlatan Ibrahimovic informs fans that, if it's tips on pyromania you are after, turn to Super Mario.
3: 'My best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan.'
Forget winning a clutch of individual honours and four Premier League titles with Manchester United, Eric Cantona will look back most fondly on raking his studs down the chest of an abusive Crystal Palace fan after landing a hadouken drop kick on his way for an early bath.
2: [Works better if you do a German accent in your head] 'I grew up in a small town called Buerbach – well, it’s a village really surrounded by lots of forests. And, yes, I did used to wear lederhosen when I was a kid. In fact the one pair I had got ruined when a Kinder Egg melted in the pocket.'
David Hasselholf-loving Moritz Volz, owner of the greatest personal website in sport - Volzy.com, talks fashion.
1: 'I'm rich.'
The honest answer Mancunian cult hero, Mario Balotelli, gave when he was pulled over and asked by the babylon why he was carrying 5,000 sheets in cash.