Revealed: Director of football Joe Kinnear's Newcastle United XI

We take a light-hearted look at the inability of Joe Kinnear to do the most simple of basic human tasks; talk.

Joe Kinnear is the new director of football at Newcastle United and just like he did with Charles ‘Insomnia’ N’Zogbia in his previous spell as manager he has already peeved off players by not being able to say their name correctly.

So here is the Joe Kinnear starting XI; complete with his own take on their surnames.

GK: Tim Krill

If only the Dutch international had as many arms as the tiny oceanic crustaceans.

DF: Massadio Hairdryer

Heard of the hairdryer treatment? Well now Newcastle have a left-back who shares the name.

DF: Davide Sat-Nav

The Italian might have to direct his new director of football to the correct pronunciation of his name.

DF: Mapou Yanga-Lee Bowyer

Toon fans probably want to remember as little as possible about Bowyer’s spiky three-year spell on Tyneside. This mishap would cause mass flashbacks to that brawl in 2005.

DF: Fabricio Cauliflower

His hair might look like the middle of one but that is definitely not his last name.

MC: Vurnon Anteater

Magpie fans will hope to see the versatile Dutchman sweeping up like one would an anthill more frequently next season.

MC: Yohann Kebab

Judging by his fitness this French international steers clear of this kerfuddled word-slip more often than not.

MC: Shake Total

Almost sounds like a protein supplement advertised on the Teleshopping adverts at four in the morning.

FW: Papiss Sissy

Calling the Senegalese a sissy is a braver act than I would dare; he is quite a big bloke.

FW: Shola Amoeba

Kinnear recently claimed he is smarter than people thought. So he might even know what an amoeba is whilst talking of Shola.

FW: Hatem Ben Afro

The French international would look good with the Tom Huddlestone look; wouldn’t he?

So there you have it Joe Kinnear’s Newcastle United XI; and for the sake of young innocent ears everywhere I strongly hope he doesn’t decide to call up Haris Vuckic to the first-team.

We wonder how that mispronunciation would sound!

image: © mickyb59

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