With his tongue firmly in his cheek, Vincent Ralph considers the five mystery clubs Bendtner is said to have had offers from.
The 25-year-old striker, who has spent his most recent campaigns on loan at Sunderland and Juventus, is said to be considering the offers, with a decision likely to be made in the next 10 days.
“They are all good clubs,” Bendtner said. “It is a hugely important choice I’m faced with. I must go where I am wanted.”
It certainly is an important decision; because we can now reveal the clubs the Danish striker is (definitely not) choosing from…
Drayton Park Bingo Club
Offered the position of Bingo caller, rumours are that Bendtner is going to bring his own slant to the role. Where seasoned gamers have been used to calls of “Kelly’s Eye…Number One”, the Danish international will be shouting, “One more goal than I managed at Juventus…”
The Arsenal Wives & Girlfriends Book Club
Having grown used to stints on the bench and the treatment room, Bendtner knows exactly how to pass 90 minutes while his teammates play the game. Swapping stories of what it is like to watch while others compete, he could find a fantastic support network and catch up on the latest bestsellers at the same time.
Following reports that Bendtner was branded overweight by coaches at Juventus, could he be considering an offer to join Britain’s latest fitness craze? Designed to trim your waist and strengthen your core, Powerhoop will see some serious waste-whittling going on should he ultimately accept their offer.
At 6ft 4in, the striker is used to being one of the bigger boys on the pitch. But having failed to dominate opponents his own age, this move could turn him into the prolific goal-scorer he once promised to be. As he said himself last week, “I can take a step back to take three forward.” He just has to be careful that in stepping back, he doesn’t tread on any of his teammates.
Birmingham City FC
Back in the 2006-2007 season an 18-year-old Bendtner followed up a string of impressive performances for Arsenal’s reserves with a successful loan spell at Birmingham. Scoring 11 goals and providing seven assists in the Championship, with two goals and two assists in four league cup games, it seemed he was destined to be something very special indeed. Could a return resurrect him? Is Birmingham his Narnia...turning him into a superstar the way it turned those posh kids into warriors?
image: © Ronnie Macdonald