REVEALED: David Gill’s advice for Liverpool*

John W Henry

After Liverpool owner John Henry asked Manchester United for advice we can absolutely not reveal the exclusive recommendations from Old Trafford chief executive David Gill.

Liverpool’s managing director Ian Ayre has revealed that the clubs principal owners John W Henry and Tom Werner have asked Manchester United chief executive David Gill for advice along with Arsenal’s Ivan Gazidis.

Ayre is quoted in The Mirror as saying:

"He and Tom are both very open in their approach. They'll contact David at United and Ivan at Arsenal - 'What do you think?' That's healthy. Let's get a rounded view of the sport and how we should be doing things.’’

Rather extraordinary stuff to hear that Liverpool are asking bitter rivals Manchester United for advice.

Even more extraordinary would be if someone managed to intercept the official advice David Gill sent back the other way.

Well brace yourselves because we can exclusively reveal (definitely can’t) the recommendations that Gill has sent Liverpool’s way in order for them to contend with their biggest rivals.

Here is the list of things David Gill definitely did not suggest Fenway Sports Group should do to take Liverpool to a whole other level.

First of all sack Brendan Rodgers. His David Brent-isms have gone far enough and his continental style of play will never get you anywhere. Bring Mark Hughes in to add a little old-fashioned pluck to the side.

Secondly the fans love to see a returning hero; just look at how well received Paul Scholes return has been. Liverpool fans would go out of their mind if you managed to persuade the likes of Jan Kromkamp, Sean Dundee, Paul Konchesky, Salif Diao or Christian Poulsen to return and you would be on to a winner!

Thirdly surely it is time to get rid of some of the deadwood and trouble-makers at Anfield. Sell Luis Suarez anywhere other than Manchester City and if you want we can take Steven Gerrard off your hands.

You will want to be fairly compensated so we will let you have the one of our top talents. Cost us £7.2million his name is Bebe; going to be the next Ronaldo I promise.

And last but not least the biggest tip of all. We have first refusal on this excellent defensive talent called Oliver Gill (no relation I swear).

He is a centre-back currently at Durham University, so he has a brain on him, and is the perfect replacement for Jamie Carragher. He is a star in the making at just 22-years-old and you can have him.

Last little bits of advice. Change the kit colour … a fine ‘ecru’ always looks good. Also make sure your boys come to games in a proper suit. A nice crisp white; ask David James he knows a guy.

Yours sincerely,

Not David Gill.

image: © kong niffe

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