Thank Goodness For Bad Jokes

Turkey Ben Smith

This is it, ex-US. The only four day weekend on the American calendar. It's going to be slow. So what are you going to do? Tell Thanksgiving jokes. Trust us, you've forgotten how hilarious clean jokes can be. (Note: very funny dirty joke at the end.)

Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?

A: They use FOWL language.

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q:: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?

A: Boy! I'm stuffed!

Just before Thanksgiving, the holding pen was abuzz as Mother Turkey scolded her younger birds. "You turkeys are always into mischief," she gobbled. "If your grandfather could see the things you do, he'd turn over in his gravy."

And for those of you who simply can't get your minds out of the gutter, following are five things you can say -- and get away with -- at Thanksgiving.

  1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
  2. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
  3. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
  4. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
  5. How long do I beat it before it's ready?