My name is Johnny. I am a former rotund recruiter. Some years ago, Here Is The City gathered together 10 fat bankers and two rotund recruiters for a sponsored weight loss. More than £10,000 later, we were all slimmer.
Back then I was in my 30s, but now I am in my 40s, and I have decided to bring my mid-life crisis forward and just deal with it.
As far as I can tell, the traditional manner for dealing with a mid-life crisis involves a sports car or Harley Davidson, trousers that are inappropriately tight, and women half my age. Well, I've looked in to the cost of Harleys and they are pretty pricey. As for the trousers and the ladies, my girlfriend of seven years has put the kibosh on both, so I need a Plan B. Carrying on the HICN inspired weight loss/get fit/charity thing, I am going to climb a mountain, run a marathon and swim a sea. (As my Mum always said, if a job's worth doing…..)
Hopefully at the end of all this exertion, I'll be considerably fitter, and will have raised a lot of money - which is where you come in. I have decided to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with Help for Heroes, to support the wounded servicemen and women who fight on our behalf. I schlep up the mountain in March 2012.
Now, here's the kicker, and where you can have some fun. How much we raise will dictate how much pain I go through.
The crueller - or more generous - you are, the more I'll take on. If we have raised £5500 by the end of September 2011, then I'll pledge to run the London marathon the month after I come down from the mountain. Yes, that's right, the very next month.
If we raise another £5500 (for also doing the running bit), I'll pledge to swim from Europe to Africa. At which point I will probably need not just more donations, but possibly therapy as well. The strait of Gibraltar is about 12 miles, but with currents, I'll end up swimming 14 miles.
The farthest I have ever run is the 200m for school. A whole lap of the track is uncharted territory for me. The farthest I have ever swum is to the buoy line in the bay on holiday - so about 150 metres then. Anyone who knows me or saw the pictures of me the last time HICN sponsored me to lose weight will know I am no athlete.
So how much fun do you want to have? £5500 gets a formerly rotund recruiter up a mountain in March. Another £5500 gets me running around London in April. A single £1 more and I'll throw myself off the coast of Spain (as soon as my swimming teacher tells me I can) and head for Algeria.
I have already donated £1700 (to cover the cost of the climb), all further donations go straight to charity.
You donate, Help for Heroes benefit, and I'll entertain you all with my mid-life crisis.