Football Transfer Rumours: Yossi Benayoun to Tottenham Hotspur ?

Does what appears to be concrete news regarding definite progress about Cesc Fábregas shuffling closer to the Arsenal exit door even count as a rumour any more? We're not sure, but you can read all about it here.

Football transfer rumours: Yossi Benayoun to Tottenham Hotspur? And here. And here. And here. And here. But not here.

You flinched, didn't you?

In other insufferably tedious ongoing transfer blah we've no intention of dwelling on for too long because life's too short, Chelsea will offer Yossi Benayoun to Spurs in a bid to grease the wheels of Luka Modric's move to Stamford Bridge, while Manchester City will send Carlos Tevez to Internazionale on loan if Samuel Eto'o realises his boyhood dream of getting to line up in the white-with-green-trim of the Russian Premier League side FC Anzhi Makhachkala, the Russian Premier League side based in the capital of the Republic of Dagestan, which is set to make the Cameroon international the best paid player on the planet by offering him £300,000 per week.

Of course it's probably not too outlandish to suggest that once Tevez and his "people" get wind of the kind of wedge on offer at the Russian club, they too will begin angling for a move to the North Caucasus region, despite the cold weather, paucity of decent restaurants and mountainous local terrain which ensure at least one leg of a trip to Buenos Aires involves sitting on the back of a donkey.

Clearly impressed with the Newcastle midffielder Joey Barton's suggested solutions for dealing with the disaffected youth who've taken to the streets in an orgy of looting and destruction in recent nights – water cannon, tear gas, pummelings, a curfew, vigilantism and changing the format of Newsnight (don't judge, at least he's taking an interest) – the Stoke City manager Tony Pulis is going to offer him £60,000 per week to go and play for Stoke City.

Fresh from his side Italy's win over the world champions Spain in Bari last night, the New Jersey-born Italian American Villarreal striker Giuseppe Rossi is being linked with a move to Tottenham Hotspur. Stoke are also rumoured to be interested in signing Peter Crouch and Wilson Palacios from Spurs, but have told Daniel Levy they won't pay a penny more than £17m for the pair.

The Fiorentina winger Alessio Cerci is set to become the latest player to spit in his right hand and shake hands with Roberto Mancini before taking a pen and scribbling his name on the bottom of a Manchester City contract covered with very large numbers. Liverpool's French striker David Ngog will do much the same, except with Owen Coyle and considerably less enthusiasm before inking his deal with Bolton Wanderers. Despite having out-bought most if not all of his Premier League peers, Steve Bruce hasn't finished his summer trolley-dash around the mid-ranking Premier League midfielders aisle yet. The Totenham and Croatia midfielder Niko Kranjcar is currently on the Sunderland manager's radar, but will only be swept from the shelf if Craig Bellamy turns up his already turned-up nose at a move to the Stadium of Light.

With Arsène Wenger believed to be plotting and scheming to bring Wigan's Colombian striker Hugo Rodallega to the Emirates, the Latics are counter-scheming on the plausibility of stealing Peter Odemwingie from West Bromwich Albion. Arsenal have also been linked with a move for FC Twente's Costa Rican striker Bryan Ruiz, while the Everton manager David Moyes will be given a whopping war chest of £4m to make Everton's first purchase since they poached the inside-right Stanley Bentham from Wigan in 1934, but only if Fenerbahce agree to part with £4m in exchange for Joseph Yobo first.

That's your lot – here's an article about some nerds.

Powered by Guardian.co.ukThis article was written by Barry Glendenning, for guardian.co.uk on Thursday 11th August 2011 09.21 Europe/London

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