"Spurs are a great club. I'd say that the chance that I'll leave Twente is 50%," said Ruiz, fiddling about on his abacus. In the wake of those riots in north London over the weekend, Tottenham's opening Premier League fixture of the season against Everton has been thrown into doubt, possibly as a result of police concerns that looters will storm White Hart Lane and make off with Luka Modric or Tony Hibbert.
Arsène Wenger wants to sign posh sounding Southampton midfielder Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who will swap life in the Championship for a more glamorous existence sitting on the bench at the Emirates, possibly wearing a top hat and monocle, and occasionally playing in Carling and FA Cup matches. With Thomas Vermaelen having pulled up lame in Arsenal's pre-season run out against Benfica, the Gunners are even more in the market for a centre-half than they were this time last week, and dispatched their chief scout Steve Rowley to the Reebok Stadium over the weekend to watch Gary Cahill play in Bolton's friendly against Spanish side Levante, stroke his chin occasionally and write things in a little notebook.
Wenger is also interested in Scott Dann and Christopher Samba, but according to the Daily Mail has had Cahill "watched" more than 20 times, which sounds like the kind of behaviour that could earn him an injunction. Along with Tottenham and Chelsea, Arsenal are also being linked with FC Koln striker Lukas Podolski, whose side was on the wrong end of a 3-0 hiding at the hands of Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga on Saturday.
Wesley Sneijder is set to sign for whichever Premier League club from Manchester offers Inter the most money and pays him £200,000 per week. "All I know is that Inter need money and that I'm for sale if the right offer comes in," he said coyly. "I can be very brief about the interest from Manchester United and City: I haven't spoken with either of those two clubs, so I can't really say much about my future at the moment." City it is, then.
The Mirror claims to have got its hands on "a secret list" that details the salaries of assorted Blackburn Rovers players the club's Indian owners Venky's want to get off their payroll. El Hadji Diouf is on £30,000 per week plus an additional £5,000 per game, a sum Rovers expect West Ham to pay in full if Sam Allardyce follows up his interest in taking the Senegalese miscreant to the Boleyn Ground on loan. Providing an intriguing insight into just how bonkers football has become, the "no holds barred document" apparently outlines that Blackburn's Irish midfielder Keith Andrews is on £21,000 a week basic, earns a further £2,000 per match played, gets a pay rise every time he plays five Premier League games and "an annual extra payment" of £21,667. Beats working.
With his South Korean winger Lee Chung-Yong out of commission with a broken leg for at least nine months, Bolton Wanderers manager Owen Coyle is ready to talk turkey with pint-sized Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips. According to the Mirror, the player's representatives are looking for a four-year deal on his current wedge of £60,000 per week, "but Coyle hopes to persuade him a switch will be good for his career if not his bank balance". Good luck with that.
The possibility of World Cup-winning former France international striker David Trezeguet standing on Kilvey Hill surveying his adopted home city of Swansea is not as ludicrous as it sounds. Meanwhile in Newcastle, Alan Pardew will stop worrying about things his players write on Twitter for long enough to bring PSV Eindhoven's Dutch international left-back Erik Pieters in as a replacement for José Enrique, who hasn't gone anywhere yet, but soon will. The Magpies are also counting out £3.5m in used tenners, which they will offer to Norwich City in exchange for East Anglian cult hero Grant Holt.
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