Hello and welcome to the caring, sharing co-operative venture that is the Rumour Mill.
Sharing, in the sense that we nick all the stuff made up by the other papers and regurgitate it here for your leisure and pleasure. Caring, in that by doing the aforementioned, we're clearly not.
And we start today's space-filling garbage with José Mourinho, who is on his way back to Chelse … hold on, folks …
Guus Hiddink won't be in gainful employment this time next week if Turkey make a meal of their Euro 2012 qualifiers. "I'm trying to make a better Turkey and if I can't do that I'll ask the chairman to sack me," he simply can't have said, because nobody talks like this. But let's roll with it. And it's the sort of positive flagellate-me attitude whip-happy Roman Abramovich can get along with. Hence this link to Chelsea, for whom Carlo Ancelotti's two trophies in one season, with a possible two more to come this time round, isn't enough.
Elsewhere, José Mourinho's coming back to Chelsea … in three years, it says here, once his Real Madrid contract is done. By which time, presumably, Hiddink will have been shipped in and out. Is dignity not even paid lip service these days? And while we're at it with the questions, anybody got the number for Big Phil Scolari, Glenn Hoddle or John Neal?
Blackpool held out for a massive transfer fee for Charlie Adam during the last window, turning down a £14m bid from Spurs. That tactic has paid dividends, with Liverpool set to pay a bumper £8m fee in the summer, while Spurs may join in the bidding if they can be bothered.
Tottenham are more interested in Lassana Diarra, who also piques Manchester United's interest. The price will be a princely £12m, so why United are being mentioned, God only knows.
Here we go, though: Manchester United are about to pay £3m for Chilean 16-year-old Angelo Henriquez. They're using the same agent who brought Rafael and Fabio da Silva to Old Trafford, which sounds promising on one level, until you concentrate long and hard on that word "agent" again. How's Bébé getting on, incidentally?
Tomasz Kuszczak is off to Galatasaray. To be honest, we're beginning to suffer from diminishing returns when it comes to Manchester United this morning.
Television professor Brian Cox has got plastic balls.
Manchester City, not content with being English football's laughing boys for the past 30-odd years, are planning to sign Zlatan Ibrahimovic. In a £26m deal. Yes, we know!
Flavour of the week Matt Jarvis will leave Wolves for Liverpool, where he'll be joined by Richard Dunne, unless the defender opts for Manchester United in the summer instead. No, this whole gossip business has reached preposterous levels now. So we're off. Bye!
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