If England Win The World Cup, I'll Eat My Granny

Smoking Old Woman

It's not that I'm unpatriotic, it's just I'm a realist. To win the World Cup, England have first got to get out of their Group - and our over-rated team are clearly struggling to do just that.

Another terrible start to a major tournament (but I guess at least we qualified for this one), has left the fans (armchair and travelling) angry, the media seething, and the rest of us simply bemused that our team's abject performance has come as such a surprise to the nation.

The reasons for our current football malaise are, of course, many:

An inflexible and over-rated manager, who has no 'Plan B', and who's guilty of believing his own hype

A dearth of fresh English talent coming through the ranks at Premier League clubs, who have increasingly beefed up their squads with foreign players

Over-pampered (and overpaid) players who have forgotten what it's like to get their hands (or feet) dirty, and don't understand how to fight when things aren't going their way

The overwhelming weight of expectation on the team to succeed, fuelled by a World Cup trophy won 44 years ago, and whipped up by a deluded media and lapped up by naive fans

But when it comes down to it, our players are just not good enough. 

If England do end up winning this World Cup, however, I'll eat my granny; the urn is gathering dust on the mantelpiece.

Anyway, come Wednesday and it might be all over. Then we can focus on the tennis. Brit Andy Murray, of course, will win Wimbledon. Will we never learn ?

For more World Cup stories, go to our World Cup Blog

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