The Status Updates I Never Post

Snow White's Birds

I've fallen into the habit of mentally commenting on my life in the third person at all times.

Most of the status updates in my head I would never dream of putting on Facebook. They'd be too mundane (Madame B thinks the driver of that car needs to SLOW the F DOWN!), just plain boring (Madame B has chosen cherries over chocolate for the first time in her life), or too revealing (Madame B knows better than to put an example here).

Let's admit it, we try to be clever and entertaining when we post updates. So naturally, I posted on Facebook: Madame B finds she writes status updates in her head as she goes about her daily life. ("Madame B feels like Snow White, only buzzing around her head while she hangs laundry are houseflies, instead of birds.") That was kind of clever, right? Even if it does reveal the fact I have flies in my house and a 2-in-1 washer dryer that doesn't completely dry towels.

As it turns out, I'm not alone. Within three hours of posting, eight people 'liked' my update (which I take to be an admission of guilt that they do it too), and I had several comments ranging from "Yes!" to "I totally do that all the time too! Earlier it was 'Becca must really remember to take an umbrella out with her at all times'. Ah the impact of Facebook!!"

I decided to cast a critical eye upon my friends' updates and see if they were posting their mundane mental updates or trying to impress/enlighten/amuse their readers.

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 delivering the perfect mix of humour, intellect and good and bad taste), I'm going to give my friends a 5.5.

I love reading that my former colleague got told off in Oxfam for swearing, that my American/British friend was looking for a place to watch USA v. England so she could "be with her peeps when some of her peeps beat some other of her peeps", and engaging in a discussion on the tireless topic of 'words we hate'.

But I don't care that a former colleague's child is on tantrum number three (today!), or that a classmate I may or may not remember is sending out a morning greeting (although I was amused by the myriad of comments she received - all deserved). And yes, I can believe that your child is turning one already. Time goes by. Shocker!

But most of all, I realise that I've accepted too many 'friends' and need to cull the list. I'll try not to make cuts based on the quality of their status updates.