The Atlas Male

Atlas -

Women have been labeling men since the origin of time; idle attempts to understand their incomprehensible counterparts, with the sole purpose of control. Unfortunately, a man’s brain works differently. You can label all you like; it won’t make you pin him down.

Yet, it’s fun.

The male has his own refined selection of subspecies. At the office, many a type is present. Some we prefer to keep in the meeting room and others that are promoted to the bedroom. Or, the copy room for that matter.

Much has been said about the infamous Alpha Male. The typical City Boy that will make it to CEO, or CFO at the least. Bold, bashful, slick and in control. An absolute ass, but a sure shot as office suitor. Don’t expect empathy, thank yous or consideration; be thankful for a vivacious lunch hour to break the tedious day. Think the youngest partner at your firm, aka Don Draper.

The Beta Male is the guy we do not want to, but likely mostly will, end up with. A couch potato with a more docile character, or one that is wearied down by long-term female dominance. Think Al Bundy, or your average IT consultant.

Slate Magazine recently plugged a third prototype. Meet the Omega Male, a man in masculinity crisis, a product of our generation as he fears to compete with power women. The Omega Male has been misinformed his entire life. His mother always told him he would do great in the future. However, now that the future is here, he finds himself a failure. Not capable of keeping a job, let alone a relationship. Laid back, but with the back bone of a garden hose. You will not be crossing any stormy weather with this leaking basket. Think senior paralegal or Zoolander.

My numerous field studies lead me to a fourth prototype. Meet Atlas. This is the guy that seems the perfect marriage between Alpha and Beta. He is caretaking and trustworthy, yet manly at the same time. He will let you drive his car, but remains in charge of the route. He does have a successful job, but will consider working part-time. Now, what’s the catch? Atlas seems too good to be true. True. Atlas is the male equivalent of a Pleaser. Gentle at heart but raised to meet exceptionally high standards, this doll will go out of his way to meet his responsibilities. All of his responsibilities, that is.

Atlas is carrying the world on his shoulders, and you may just be a dot on the map.