Loving You Is Easy Cause You're...

Working Late - Laura Leavell

...paying me. Yes, we are all whores. OK, maybe not whores. Upmarket escorts, then.

As lawyers, we are required to show a lot of people love. We show the partners love, because they pay our salary and possess the power to nip our budding legal careers in the bud. We suck up to our secretaries, because if they don’t like us they will mess up our daily routines with tools such as, “No, I do not have time to scan 37 contracts. And I assume you know how Outlook works.” Every smart Legalista knows that the road to partnership is paved with love for the IT people, the document checkers, the know-how person, and the door man.

And our number one customer is, of course, the Client.

Everyday, Partner Pimp sends us out on the street to shake it for the client. Unreasonable deadlines? “No problem, my associate will send you the memo first thing in the morning. You need it tonight? She will send it to you tonight. Always a pleasure!” So you start cancelling dinner plans, and type away at a memo that you know your client will not read until next week. Client blaming you for their own stupid behaviour? Grind your teeth and smile! And politely steer away from a potential disaster.

Does this feel wrong? Yes, it does.

Whenever I am faced with the practical implications of the expression 'shit runs downhill' (i.e. toward the junior associate), I think of my mum. Growing up in the '80s and '90s meant that I was taught that women should be independent. I should study hard and get a successful career.

Well, here I am. It’s 1:30am and I am sitting in an office writing a legal opinion that some middle-aged guy promised to another middle-aged guy, and neither of them will likely read it. I am not exactly feeling like Beyonce’s Independent Woman here.

I am 28. Is it too late to marry a footballer?