Hey, I'm back!
As you may recall, a couple of years back I was on the prowl for a rich banker to look after me, and keep me in the manner I felt entitled to become accustomed to. In those days, of course, bankers were rich, and even very wealthy ones were two-a-penny. Then we had that silly financial crisis thing.
You may also remember that I thought I'd found my ideal mate back in 2007, although he turned out to be not as rich as he made out, and he started to count the pennies when he lost his job after being indicted for securities fraud. He even expected me to go visit him after he got convicted. What a loser!
It was after that harrowing experience that I decided to focus on lawyers, and set hard to work attempting to reel one in. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that lawyers, although generally better looking (and usually slimmer than bankers), are also more intelligent. Frankly, it's much more difficult to pull the wool over their eyes. Even worse, they are notoriously tight, so that came to nothing.
Anyways, I'm glad to say that I'm now back on the rich banker trail. Although most everyone else is suffering financially these days, bankers, of course, will be back in the money this year. And where the money goes, so too do I. There's only one problem, however, and that's this deferred equity lark. This may mean that I'll have to stick with my next victim for 3 - 5 years before I can cash out the big money. And that could be a problem. No, not because of my age (I actually get younger every year, you know), but the prospect of waking up next to the same halitosis-ridden fat lump for the next few years is hardly an attractive one. Anyway, I guess I'll just have to focus on the money.
Unfortunately, I'll also have to make sure I avoid the senior guys over at Bank of America and Citi. Those salary caps make even the most handsome bankers appear so unattractive! (Note to self - before you put in too much effort, obtain business cards to confirm where potential victims work).
Anyways, I'll be sure to check in with you again before Christmas. I'll be sorted by then (I've got to bag my prey well in time for an expensive present, after all!). Thank God for those bailouts!
PS - any rich banker reading this who would like the opportunity to meet with me, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org , and send copies of your last 3 months bank statements to the PO Box No provided.