From the Editor: I've spent numerous Christmases in Minnesota with my remarried mother and I have never seen a turkey cooked like this (although they do snowmobile and ice fish). But what the hell, it's funny and I needed a second story for today.
Thanks to the Highly Placed Professional for sending it in with the following:
HPP is getting a bit fed up with the seemingly endless round of celeb TV chefs telling you how to have that 'stress free' Christmas feast with your compliant and utterly chilled family. NOT. In my humble opinion it always seems to take ages to cook the noble turkey, let alone all the other cobblers that goes with it. So here's how the guys up in Minnesota DEEP FRY their Christmas turkey in about 15 minutes!
1. Clear space in snow for a tripod suspending a 10 litre cooking pot.
2. Fill with vegetable and peanut oil.
3. Light 3 industrial blow torches and heat oil to, like, a million degrees C.
4. Don welding mask and steelmaker's heavy gauntlets and...
5. Lower the 12 lb turkey into the boiling oil, using a winch system borrowed from local garage.
6. Retreat swiftly and let turkey deep fry for about 15 minutes while you and your friends...
7. ...watch the pyrotechnics over iced beers and vodka shots, through welding masks or goggles. Be careful not to get hit by flying, burning oil.
8. Winch bird out carefully and allow to cool in the sub zero temperature.
9. Using ice axe, hack bird into deep fried portions and DEVOUR.
10. Happy Christmas!