How about these classics:
'I have lurnt Word Perfect computer and spreasheet progroms'.
'Am a prefectionist and rarely if if ever make mistakes'.
'Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year'.
'Left last job on 'maturity leave'.
'Failed the bar exam with fairly high grades'.
'I was working with my mum, until she decided to move'.
'I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond on my office voicemail'.
'Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping'.
'Marital status: often. Children: various'.
'Finished eighth in my class of ten'.