A Short Story

Apologies to the one or two who will again be offended by the content of this item - guess you drew the short straw. 

Well, we've had gender preference issues, preferred gender issues, racial and religious-rights initiatives and, of course, ageism concerns. But one big Wall Street firm has just topped the lot and is promoting an equality agenda for 'the little people' - members of its staff who suffer from dwarfism.

The firm has responded to concerns raised by pint-sized staff in its New York office, who recently arranged a sit-in protest at the staff canteen. Diminutive staffers were in uproar after a tiny colleague fainted from lack of food there earlier this month, after failing for three consecutive days to reach the food counter and sample the delightful fare being eagerly devoured by 'the grown-ups'.

Another point of contention related to the use of the staff car park. The long-and-the-short of it was that those vertically-challenged personnel complained that they were unable to bring their cars to work as they weren't big enough to reach the 'call' button on the car park elevators, which transfer staff to office areas. The small staff became even angrier when they complained about their plight to the Head of Human Resources, who dismissed them for telling tall stories.

The investment bank finally decided to implement its latest equality initiative after a group of more radical pygmies began a campaign of targeting the firm's senior M&A bankers and head-butting them in the knee-caps, often incapacitating the corporate financiers for long periods. Full details of the bank's dwarf initiative are expected shortly, but the firm is thought likely to include an announcement that it intends to recruit a specialist team of short staffers to work on M&A deals for smaller cap companies. An insider confirmed, however, that the bank had no intention of allowing the dwarfs to get too big for their boots, and says that it has no desire to create a 'mini-me' culture.

A spokesperson for the stunted staffers tried to issue a statement for the group, but he was unfortunately not tall enough to reach the bank of microphone lent to him for this purpose.

Here Is The City apologizies if this story offends a small section of the population.

JefferiesAnd the Best Place to Work in the global financial markets 2017 is...

Register for Financial Markets News Alerts